The Best Movies You’ve (Probably) Never Seen: the Legend of 1900

And now, for my very first review, I proudly present to you: the Legend of 1900, or La Leggenda del pianista sull’oceano if you’re Spanish, in which case you’ll likely be disappointed, as the rest of this review is not in Spanish.

The Legend of 1900 features Tim Roth as a piano virtuoso who has spent his entire life aboard a steamship, having been abandoned by his parents onboard said steamship. (And where do you think he was abandoned? That’s right. On top of the piano. Ooooh. Foreshadowing!) Found by one of the stokers aboard the steamship (who christens the unfortunate boy “Danny Boodman T.D. Lemon Nineteen Hundred” setting up for scenes of “Lemon” getting righteously melvined by the rest of the ship’s inhabitants that sadly must have ended up on the cutting room floor), 1900 is raised in the bowels of the ship, learning to be idealistic and British, so that he can grow up to be Tim Roth.

The story really begins when, having lost his father in a tragic gigantic-flying-hook-of-death accident (and if you really didn’t see it coming, even after all the “look at the father-and-son bonding, yes, that man sure is all that boy has in the world and it would surely crush him emotionally and psychologically to lose that man” scenes, then I do sincerely apologize), 1900 ventures above deck and discovers... wait for it... no, it’s not an iceburg. It’s... a piano! He then uses all the knowledge he apparently osmosed, having been abandoned on the piano so many years ago as you’ll recall, to spontaneously become the most fabulous piano player on land and sea!

If you can stomach the slight aftertaste of fromage, this movie is undeniably cute. With scenes like the one in which 1900 and his best friend Max (played admirably by Pruitt Taylor Vince) spin around the ship’s ballroom on a wheeled piano which 1900, of course, plays, you either learn to suspend your disbelief early and appreciate the movie for what it is; a light-hearted musical drama, or you turn the film off. (Though I do encourage you to at least watch the “piano duel” scene between 1900 and Jelly Roll Morton (played by Clarence Williams III) which is very likely the best scene in the entire film.)

The central theme of the movie, the struggle for identity and individuality, is hinted at throughout the movie (Max often reflects in his voice over, that since 1900 was born aboard a ship, he never officially existed anyway), but is all but spelled out in 1900’s monologue to Max near the end of the film, explaining to him why he never left the ship despite trying once before, despite the ship falling into disrepair, and despite that the ship is now going to be destroyed (and you thought this movie wouldn’t have explosions).

All that city. You just couldn’t see an end to it. ...The end? ...Please? ...Will you please just show me where it ends? ...It was all very fine on that gangway. And I was grand too. In my overcoat. I cut quite a figure. And I was getting off. Guaranteed. That wasn’t the problem. ...It wasn’t what I saw that stopped me, Max. It was what I didn’t see. Can you understand that? It was what I didn’t see. In all that sprawling city there was everything except an end. ...There was no end. ...What I did not see was where the whole thing came to an end. ...The end of the world. Hmm. ...Take a piano, hm? Keys begin, keys end. You know there are 88 of them, nobody can tell you any differently. They are not infinite. You are infinite. And on those keys, the music that you can make is infinite. I know that. That I can live by. But you get me up on that gangway and you roll out in front of me a keyboard of millions of keys, millions and billions of keys that never end, and that’s the truth, Max, that they never end. That keyboard is infinite. And if that keyboard is infinite then on that keyboard there is no music that you can play. You’re sitting on the wrong bench. That’s God’s piano. ...Christ, did you see the streets, just the streets, there were thousands of them. I mean, how do you do it down there? How do you choose just one? One woman. One house. One piece of land to call you own, one landscape to look at. One way to die. ...All that world just weighing down on you, and you don’t even know where it comes to an end. And aren’t you ever just scared of breaking apart at the thought of it? At the enormity of living in it? ...I was born on this ship. And the world passed me by... but 2000 people at a time. And there were wishes here. But never more than fit between prow and stern. You played out your happiness, but on a piano that was not infinite. I learned to live that way. ...Land? Land is a ship too big for me. ...It’s a woman too beautiful, it’s a voyage too long, perfume too strong, it’s music I don’t know how to make. I can never get off this ship. At best? I can step off my life. After all, I don’t exist for anyone.

Without making analogies about our personal voyages on the ship of life and it’s many meetings with the pirates of misfortune, and the cannibals of discontent, and, of course, the scurvy, the Legend of 1900 resonates because we’ve all been faced with ports of call too large for us. And so despite moments that often require some indulgence on the part of the viewer, the Legend of 1900 rewards our investment, and proves to be deeper than the fluff it first presents itself to be.

Having said all this, the only thing really wrong with the film is the wispy twelve-year-old French girl Tim Roth spontaneously (and inevitably) falls in love with. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go practice looking wispy, and twelve.

---------------

Bonus (ie, I’m trying to trick you into posting a comment! YAY!)

Who’s Line is it Anyway (or, Please Don’t Sue Me, I’m Just Not Very Original)
ROUND ONE!

Here’s the deal. I give you a quote. You give me the movie it was from, and the name of the character and the actor who said it. Whoever wins gets... a prize*!

* Prize may or may not be a kick in the teeth.

I’m just kidding. I’m actually looking into the possibility of giving a small prize to the person or persons with the highest score once this finishes in December. Now I’m not just tricking you into posting a comment, I’m bribing you! I should be in marketing. :)

So, here’s the first quote (worth 3 points):

Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.

(For an extra 10 points, tell me how AWESOME my review was!)

...
...
...

Oh right. Totally kidding. Yeah.

the Inaugural Post, of course

So first, we roll the opening credits:

Blog written and directed by some geek

Theme by some geek on a kazoo

Blog editing: some geek

Production design: some geek

Art direction: some geek

Second unit director: Tim Burton

Visual effects: some geek

Stunts: some geek's cat

Catering and craft services provided by some geek's mom

Executive producer: Harvey Weinstein

A Some Geek Blog

And now that you've some idea how cheesy this blog intends to be, we can move on.

Hullo! I'm some geek (you can also call me Sara, a less accurate descriptor, but also less of a mouthful), and this is my blog. I'm a communications student, and as part of one of the courses I'm taking this semester, I've made a blog (the one you're reading right now, in fact). This blog will eventually be filled with all manner of movie stuff, all with really cheesy titles too. However, since I am a communications student, I do not get off so lightly as other bloggers may. Every now and again I'll have to get my brain out of storage, and talk about movies not only as a form of entertainment, but also as a means of communication, and will have to discuss themes and messages and other such things.

But I promise to try and make it fun, with bright colours and dancing bunnies and that sort of thing, so that you learn, but you won't realize you're learning until afterwards, when you will feel used and cheated. But there won't be any outright learning, so don't worry!

This is a blog, so I can't stop anyone from posting their opinions, of course. And I wouldn't want to! I'm not even terribly concerned with whether you really support your opinions (like, for instance, it is my opinion that Ben Affleck is funny looking. My support for this argument is that he just is. And that's the truth), but I do ask that if you post here, you are ready to have your opinions giggled at. I expect there are loads of people who think my opinions giggle-worthy, and if you're one of them, please feel encouraged to tell me so. I will do you the same courtesy. However, it must be said that if you DO happen to support your opinion, it becomes much harder to giggle at without making yourself look like an ass. So keep that in mind.

(At the same time, let's all remember that this is really about a form of entertainment, so let's not take it too seriously. You're all allowed one death threat each, and then no more! So use it wisely!) (Just kidding. Don't threaten people on my blog or I will cut you, fool.)

So I suppose that about does it for this inaugural post. If anybody out there is reading this, why don't we get things started off lightly -- if you've a moment, post your three favourite movies of all time in the comments section. I'm not talking about those great movies that everyone is supposed to like (if anyone out there really and truly liked the English Patient, please do comment and tell me why... other than the bit where Colin Firth sings the coconuts song, of course. That I totally understand the appeal of), I mean the movies that you pull out to watch again and again for whatever reason. The ones that made you truly appreciate the coming of DVDs, because it meant you didn't have to buy any more VHS tapes, having worn out the first fifteen. If you're feeling really ambitious, also post why they're your favourite movies (also, none of that giggling I was talking about earlier is allowed at this point. Even if someone likes the English Patient.)

And, hey, while we're at it -- is there any particular characters anyone would really like to see in the Battle Royale feature? Please keep in mind this is not a guaranteed head-on-a-pike, as there will be a one in twenty or thirty chance that they'll come out alive. So be wary of nominating any Ben Affleck characters. (I'm just kidding, we'll totally pike them.)